Natural Inclination
by VSSAKJ
Summary: -COMPLETE- Hiroshi was always naturally inclined towards music, but a friendship that felt the same way was something he'd never expected.
1. Chapter 1

_The guitar: A fretted musical instrument, wherein the six strings are strung parallel to the neck and plucked to create a sound. The lowest-pitched string is at the top of the instrument and the highest-pitched is at the bottom. It is the primary instrument in blues and rock music._

**Natural Inclination**

I was always naturally inclined towards music. Maybe it was in my blood – after all, my brother always liked the arts side of the field and I looked up to him more than I did my parents. Not saying I didn't like, love or respect my parents, but a brother is just different. Closer.

I guess it really started when I was four. Mom said that was the first time I banged a wooden spoon against an upside-down pot. No, I don't think that's right. It started the first time I clapped along with one of the tapes I listened to as a kid; a really small kid, hardly even able to walk yet and no where near talking. I remember (I don't know why I can, but I do) being able to clap right along with my favourite song, even if I couldn't articulate anything beyond childish nonsense.

I definitely started as a percussionist. Mom didn't support my musical habits but passed them off as a normal stage of child growth and bought me a plastic drum set for my fifth birthday. She thought I'd grow out of it in no more than a month. I wore the set through. By the time they were thrown out, six months later, they wouldn't even make sound anymore. I hadn't been any _good_ at the set, but I'd loved it. Yuuji took note and got me a plastic recorder to replace my drums.

I don't think I let it go until I was six and a half. All the time, I'd have it with me, and sometimes I'd just pull it out and play around until I got some sort of melody going on. Even then I'm pretty sure Mom didn't approve. Yuuji was really proud, though, when I'd go and see him and play my newest little song. Mom was pushing him in succeeding then, at his schoolwork and everything. Yuuji told me he just wanted to have fun. He never told Mom that.

I met Shuichi when I was nearly nine. He was very different from anyone I'd ever known before. In my house, Mom made the rules and Yuuji and I followed them, for the most part. We did our school work, mine being impressive and his being passable. But Shuichi – he was different. He reminded me of a rock star, probably because even then, and it seems like such a long time ago, he was emulating Sakuma Ryuichi. He sang all the time, whenever there was a song he recognized and sometimes when there was no music at all. I was a little put off by him at first, but not for long. Once I got used to him, I… wanted him around all the time. He was like a sort of vortex, maybe a black hole, pulling everything in close to him.

He told me he wanted to be a rock star. He told everyone, but he told me with another reason in mind. He told me that he wanted me in his band. He said it even before he asked if I played an instrument. He said it before he laughed over my stories about playing drums as kid. He said it before he demanded to see the recorder Yuuji had given me. He said it before he commanded that I take up guitar.

I was lucky enough to be able to do it. And I did it for him, honestly. But in the end, it was for me. I found the instrument that worked best for me. Few people are gifted enough to master several instruments, and fewer still are able to find the one they really belong on.

I had a helping hand. I may not have gotten it right the first time, but getting it right was what mattered. The guitar was for me. I was for the guitar.

I always thought the name Shuichi chose for our band was ironic but I never said a word, because he was so pleased with it. I never said a word because it made him happy. I realised then, I'd do anything to make him happy. Anything.


	2. Chapter 2

We were naturally inclined to be friends. I didn't think there'd ever be anything to come between us – Shuichi got attached and stuck with it, usually. Look at his long-standing idolizing of Sakuma Ryuichi. He just didn't drop things all that easily. 

I suppose that's why it was easy for me to accept how attached he got to Eiri Yuki so quickly. That doesn't mean I was happy with it, just that I wrote it off as part of his nature and nothing more. And truthfully, it was nice seeing something other than music that made him so joyful. Even being optimistic, even smiling more often than anyone else I know, Shuichi wasn't always really _happy_.

It's a bit funny how hard he had to work for Yuki, because he really wasn't used to that. His music, that was always easy, and when it wasn't easy it was _fun_. I'd like to think it's because I was right there with him, plucking at my strings and laughing at his puzzled look when I hit a bad interval. And him on those keyboards, messing around long into the night, trying to get something that sounded right to him. He looked a little like a genius, sometimes. I'd fall asleep (he could go for hours without moving, usually up until two in the morning; he's so hyper most of the time, I never understood that) and just half-rouse and see him hunched over the keys, his eyes focused and the expression on his face so serious. Those glimpses of him in the middle of the night are precious to me. No one else has ever seen him like that, I know it.

His face looks different when he's singing too. He gets taken away by it. I wish I was that… musical. I like it, sure, and it's a part of me, but it doesn't… I don't go that way. I'm always here, feet flat on the ground, pick in hand and strings under my fingers. But when Shuichi takes the mike and pours his heart out, he flies off somewhere amazing and magical, and we cease to exist. We earth-people. He's something else; he's amazing.

But back to Yuki. I still haven't decided if the man was any good for him or not. I know I got fed up at one point, with how everything was going. I felt awful. Or rather, I do now – at that point I was only worrying about myself. I know I couldn't ever really leave the music. I know I couldn't ever really leave _him_.

Shuichi's made such an impact on my life. It's pointless to deny that. I wouldn't be where I am right now – a comfortable private room in Japan's premiere recording studio – without him.

So I think it makes sense that after a while, I started resenting Eiri Yuki for being so close so fast. Not saying that I wanted Shuichi after me like that, but how was it fair that this blonde man could, out of no where, become the most important person in Shuichi's life? I was that person. He didn't even have to work for it! He just jumped straight up there, number one priority, no questions. And here I had to convince Shuichi that I mattered more to him and _cared_ more about him than Sakuma Ryuichi ever would.

I worked for Shuichi. I was always there for him, no matter what. No matter if it was a ridiculous time of day or a stupid, laughable reason; I was _always _there. The way best friends work, the right way. I didn't ask for much from him in return – just his smiling or hugging me was enough. As long as he wasn't sad, I was happy.

And Yuki did nothing for him, and got everything.

I love him. I guess that's it. There's nothing else that can explain this… jealousy. I don't hate seeing him with Yuki, but it hurts to hear about it. It's conflicting. Shuichi's so happy talking about him and the fun they have together, but I can't stand it. I can accept it for making him smile but… There's a kind of rift coming between us, and I hate that. I'm afraid of it.

I know the natural inclination will make me jump. And I'll fall.


End file.
